I love the way people are losing their nut over 'Archie' comics these days. First we have an interracial relationship and then they are introducing their first gay character (cue the bonfires). Of all the comic books to be described as 'edgy', 'Archie' is the last one I would think of. What does this all mean? Is it finally okay to support the gay and mixed marriages now that they have been given 'Archie's' stamp of approval?
I have this vision of parents all over the country searching their kid's rooms for the offending issues and tossing them out. Sure the kid can keep his collection of 'Guns and Ammo' but that 'Archie' smut has to go.
In the past I have made no secrets of my hatred for this comic. It is harmless but just has always bothered me. It has essentially been the same story for the past 40 years. The characters are the same, the situations are the same, and the humor is the same - no growth, no change, no development. Occasionally they will get all hip and do a story that shows a character listening to something as cutting edge as a 'Walkman'.
Veronica is a bitch and Betty is nuttier than that chick in 'Twilight' who would rather be in love with a guy who makes her feel like shit than to find someone who doesn't do that.
If you only read 'Archie' comics I will give criticizing you a pass. You don't know any better and you are probably a girl. However, if you have read even ONE other title that isn't 'Archie related then there is NO EXCUSE good enough to explain your actions. You should know that what you are reading is crap and you should expect more from your comic bocks.
Hell even 'Richie Rich' or any of those Harvey comics are better and they never change either.
Now this issue could be sexy and bloody and totally unlike the usual pap that Archie feeds us every month. How dare they tease me with the promise to see Veronica in the Vampirella costume as we all know it from the comics.
Betty should be wearing a pencil skirt and high boots while hunting the undead. Also I can only surmise from the look on Betty's face that she is gooned on crystal meth and only thinks she sees vampires everywhere. Now THAT would be a good story. Stupid Archie comics.
When I was a kid I got forced to go to 'bible camp' every summer for a week. I did that three years in a row. It was fun to camp but all that Jeebus stuff got to be annoying.
One day we were bored and helped clean out the mess hall. As a reward, the priest gave us a stack of comics. Sure they were all Archie comics but who was I to complain? I was getting to do something I liked to do (read comics) under a nice shade tree in the forest.
However, these were not ordinary 'Archie' comics. They were BIBLE ARCHIES!!!. Every couple of pages the characters made sure to shovel in some religious balloon juice. I felt betrayed and manipulated and tossed away the comic I was reading in disgust.
Not only was this Christian themed but it has a really creepy old west look to it. Like the only thing the west needed to be 'civilized was more Christian Bookstores. Gah, this stuff is so over the top. And we ALL know that the only reason Archie got the bookstore opened was so that he could also get Betty's petticoat opened. Look at her googly eyes. She might just let Sheriff Archie hold her hand at the barn dance tonight.
That night as the bonfire burned I took that stack of comics and added them to the fire. Quite a bold gesture in front of all the holy rollers. That priest looked at me like I had sacrificed the baby Jeebus himself to the flames. But to me the madness had to be stopped and I stopped it there.
14 comments:
But you read Afterlife With Archie, right? The best zombie comic around. Seriously.
It is good. I hate to admit that.
There, see, I knew there was a chink in your armour! Wonder what the god-botherers would make of a zombie Archie book?
I just read through the link you posted and, boy, was there some messed up stuff in those comics - kinda explains a lot of the nuttiness in America at the moment, though.
They lost me at "monkeys". But Injun Jughead just capped it.
Hahahahaha -- thinking of you burning the religious propaganda Archies just made my day!
Today, though, I'm enjoying seeing Archie comics reinvent themselves as relevant to *gasp* the 21st century.
I know nothing of Archie other than that he exists. I'm grasping at straws trying to think of an element of pop culture that has been around for so long but has left so little impression on my life. Its one of those things I only know about because of osmosis.
Its odd seeing the series try to hold on to a squeaky clean image of teendom that I think even "Saved by the Bell" was having trouble maintaining, especially when one of Archie's key creators Dan DeCarlo was rather famous for his saucy cartoons for Playboy (though these seem rather tame by modern standards)
These model sheets are a bit weird to look at. Archie has had this ongoing "house style" look for decades, so the more defined facial features and clothing is more than a little jarring. Its like seeing a Mike Weiringo drawing inked by Mike Dedato Jr.
I hear you, it's the 'timeless' nature of comic that I hate. It comes from a time that never existed and to have the comic high jacked by religious groups was distasteful to me. It made a bad thing infinitely worse. But it is the place for gay characters, gay wedding, interracial kisses.
I admit, Injun Jughead made me laugh.
In any real western town he would have got beaten everytime he went to town just like Tonto.
Let's not forget when TMNT Adventures crossed over with Archie for a special issue, or the Punisher issue!!
I totally spaced on the PUNISHER issue. I have to find that one again. Some Punisher, everyone in that town was left alive.
I totally spaced on the PUNISHER issue. I have to find that one again. Some Punisher, everyone in that town was left alive.
Maybe he killed people off panel... After the comic was done... Since you have a hate-on for Archie, maybe you could imagine that he killed the entire cast... ;^)
Oh wouldn't that be a wonderful thing. Except for Betty. I like that crazy broad's style.
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