Monday, July 30, 2012

The Queen Of Swords

There are some shows that I just can't hate. They are so goofy that I have to admire the sheer beauty and total lack of logic involved. "Queen of Swords' is such a drama.

Now I loves me some Zorro. That time in history is so ripe with adventure story potential. No one can fire a gun well enough to hit the side of a barn so the whip and the sword become important weapons for attack and defences. The good and bad guys are so clearly defined. The soldiers the villain has at his disposal are so totally incompetent that a girl on horseback with really poor fencing skills seems to be able to defeat them most every time they come into conflict.

Also no one seems smart enough to ever figure out who the masked hero is even though it is so OBVIOUS to the audience. The hero and the villain have contact with each other most everyday in the small town they live in but somehow the villain can't figure out that the prettiest girl in town (who does NOT disguise her voice when talking to him in costume) is his nemesis.

Her mask covered only a bit of her face and her hairstyle and hair color remain the same whether she is in costume or not. She even rides the same horse while in her civilian guise. That is like Batman taking out the Batmobile as Bruce Wayne. Terrifically unbelievable.

Tessie Santiago is gorgeous as our female Zorro. She moves like a sexy cat and is distracting enough to keep the viewer from turning the channel after the tenth or twentieth plot contrivance found in each episode. I love her costume too. It would be great to have a girlfriend go as the Queen of Swords and me go as Zorro for Halloween.

Valentne Pelka is terrific as the mustache twirling villain, Colonel Luis Montoya. For a guy so smart he sure is in no hurry to capture or discover the identity of this woman who is a thorn in his side and a spoiler of his greedy schemes - each one more elaborately stupid than the last.

It's great how he can plan everything down to the last detail but NEVER consider that someone will maybe, possibly, overhear his plans and learn the ONE way they can foil them. He also never seems to take into account that the Queen of Swords will show up to mess things up.

The other cast members around our hero also take the whole thing seriously, which is the ONLY reason why this show works. Even a hint of self-awareness would bring the whole enterprise down like a house of cards. Paulina Galvez, as Marta, is Tessie's confidant and one of the ONLY two women in this Mexican town. Still, no one ever figures out her connection to our whip wielding hero.

What kind of hubris does it take to call yourself the 'Queen' of swords when you can barely fence yourself out of a wet paper bag? I always got the feeling that the stunt guys have to work harder to make Tessie look good while diminishing their own talents with the blade.

My father and I would howl with laughter and tease each other by saying, "But she is the Queen of Swords. That's how she could get away with what she just did. Don't you know nuttin'?"

They only made 22 episodes of this gem but it's worth your effort to seek out at least ONE of the episodes. You will be very entertained if, unlike the show, you don't take it all very seriously.


Debra She Who Seeks said...

She looks like she's wearing black lace panties on her face. But I guess that's the point, eh?

Kal said...

Sadly, no. It's a very tame serious in that way.

Unknown said...

Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman with a Sword!