Friday, December 5, 2008

Dickhead Octopii

I just read an article about Otto the Octopus from Cologne who is a total troublemaker. Just because they closed the aquarium for two months and he doesn't like the light shining in his tank he has been squirting water at the light causing it to short out. In the process causing the electricity to shut down on other tanks around him. So let me understand this...this Octopuss is so much of a dick that he would endanger all the other marine animals in his neighborhood just to keep the porch light from annoying him. Now that is a philosophy I can get behind. It figures that he is a German octopuss. I understand everything now. When he got finished with the light he started juggling hermit crabs in his tank. WOW...that is one ocean dickhead. And we all know how I hate the water because it contains too many things just WAITING to fuck you up. From Great White Sharks (who don't even like the taste of us) to that tiny little Australian octopus whose sting kills instantly you are just asking for trouble the minute you enter the water. I always make sure I let them know (in a loud voice) that I am entering the ocean and if ANY of them even brushes against me I will FREAK OUT! I mean 7/10ths of the world and you got to invade MY personal space? That is just selfish and dickish. I hate fishing let me rephrase that...I like being in the boat...I like putting the hook in the water and I like when the fish bites the hook..but after that you have to deal with the fish yourself. I don't want to see it until its a breaded fishstick on my plate. I don't like the floppiness on the bottom of the boat and that big mouth gasping that they do...or their slimy bodies...ICK! So deal with it or I will just throw the whole fishing pole and reel back into the water. That is how serious I am about this. Its a deal breaker baby. Like when I play Monopoly. I HAVE to be the magic hat or I don't play. I have never been anything BUT the magic hat. Also could never date a COKE drinker. They may have settled for me but settling for COKE is just wrong and makes me suspicious of any of their opinions or decisions.

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