Thursday, December 11, 2008

Things I Can Do Without In '09

1. Proactive Commercials- they just never change and take up what seems like an entire half hour. While most commercials are 60 seconds or less this one just goes on and on. Even the soundtrack is grating on my nerves. I love Jennifer Love Hewitt but its enough already.

2.Anything with David Caruso in it. I have banned CSI Miami from my watchlist and when I broke that edict yesterday I was instantly reminded of just how terrible an actor he is. From the stupid way he delivers his lines to the pregnant pause that preceeds the removal of his sunglasses he is just a bullet away from making that show an actual emmy contender. He just drags down a night of TV that doesn't need another reason to suck. Where is Ray Romano when I need him. People think Thursday is must laugh TV but I need to giggle on a Monday.

3. Every third Marvel comic written by Brian Michael Bendis. While I acknowledge his ear for dialogue (strangely the dialogue of teenage girl characters like Mary Jane Watson) his rececnt event comics - House of M, Secret Invasion and now Reign of Evil are just alot of noise signifying nothing. There is a lot of talking but no real action or story advancement takes place. Certainly none that could have been wrapped up in a single extra sized special edition. Secret Invasion was one idea (an earth invasion by the shapeshifting skrulls) that ended up being nothing more than an eight issue fight between the aforementioned Skrulls and the heroes of the Marvel Universe. No motivations beside the invasion were ever revealed and the end left us with super villians in charge of the world. How that came about I would have like to know or at least have had the chance to deduce the clues that should have been passed along the way. So no more huge crossover events that promise to change the status quou but who in actually change nothing. The heroes on the outs are still outcasts and only Iron Man has really joined their ranks. So the whole Secret Invasion was to show Tony Stark that karma is a bitch? What a waste. Concentrate on making each issue of each chaacter's individual comic better and keep them away from these huge crossovers where they only get lost in the shuffle and lose the things that make them individually a great read. For example by having both the IMMORTAL IRON FIST and GAURDIANS IN THE GALAXY even involved in this invasion only diluted the great writing and momentum building in their own books. Final Crisis from DC suffers from this same hubris and throws most of DCs titles out of continuity and makes the drama resolved in them to be moot. Batman RIP is a perfect example of this. We lost Batman who shows up in Final Crisis the next month. That kind of continuity confusion does little to prop up the various universes that are DC comics. Grant Morrison can either be really great (All Star Superman) or really really crappy (Final Crisis, Batman RIP). I just wish he would be more consistent cause when he is good he is the best that there is but when he sucks its just more of an insult.I already have twelve thousand comic books and have not bought them for many years due the insane increase in prices that made it very impractical. When it costs almost five dollars for a book you first of all remove them as a smart investment. But I have little motivation to collect the "floppies" when I can download nearly all comics I wish to have off the internet bit torrent sites (and for free). Call it technically stealing all you want but until someone designs a busisness model that prevents me from doing this then I have no fear or remorse of guilt for these large corporations. The comic corps (DC and Marvel -the big tow) have lately become addicted to the dollars they can pull in by selling dozens of comics tie ins just so a faithful fanboy/geek can fully follow the lastest earth shattering CRISIS or HOUSE OF M or most recently Civil War and Planet Hulk. I have been burned to many times by publishers who take me for granted and promised change and great reveals about my beloved characters and the end of each of these epic events. Now since we all know that UNCLE BEN is the ONLY character that really stays dead any challenge to the status quo can't help but come off as hollow or false. Give me someone to love then take her away so I can pine for her evetually triuphant return seems cheep and maudlin.

4.Assholes that put up movies on Bit Torrent sites that are not the actual movie but instead direct me to another site where i am suppose to purchase software to release the blocked content. I have learned what to look for but I occasionally get fooled and waste dowload time for movies (primarily) that I really want to see. I don't even mind if the movie was shot on cam as long as I don't have to attend a theatre and spend the money for outrageous overpriced movie tickets. For most of my life I saw all the stuff both good and crappy that hollywood put out so now I feel like the technology gives me the proper right to view before I buy. Stop the technology that allows me to do that and you stop my ability to pick and choose what DVDs I eventurally buy. In this year I can only think of THE DARK KNIGHT and IRON MAN who deserve the full big screen tv effect and are worth paying for. And paying for TV is just wrong. Just cause I miss my weekly shows I shouldn't be kept from seeing them when others are more than willing to share and seed. For the same reason I no longer buy music. Pay for 13 songs and like only two. We are beyond that kind of a scam people and while we are at it how does the comic industy thing they can survive by charging 4-5 dollars for a single comic book. I may buy the collected editions or the telephone sized ESSENTIAL volumes but for my monthy comic books I am going the bit torrent download route since most creators today are giving me little actually worth me spending cold hard cash on.

5. People who don't read my blog entries despite the fact that I the most interesting person that I know. You would think that SOMEONE out there would see that and validate my pathetic musings as the brilliant nuggets that they are. Please tell my you like me; that you really like me.

6. Facebook friends who don't catch up with me on a regular basis. Since many of them are beloved old friends from school or cadets they hold a special place in my heart and memories and I assume I do the same for them. My resolution is the make my end worthy of replies and conversation and sharing on a more regular basis.

7. The rift between Me and Cory and Cousin Cyndi and all other relationships that I have chosen to neglect in the past. The closer they are to me the closer they should be to me

8. Any movie trailer that promises me an "Adventure of a Lifetime" or any tv crime drama that tells me that to miss this weeks episode would be "criminal". arghhh!!!!

9. Killer robots, zombies, aliens and alien zombies - same as every year.

10. Squirrels who think they are "all that" and Llamas that just encourage their delusion. Llamas are just troublemakers and gossips who get all the other animals all rilled up. But when the shit goes down on the farm they are NOWHERE to be found.

11. Less metal lunchboxes boxes in my lunch box collection.

12. Best Buy commercials. I hate the way they express what they want by the reaction the reciever of the gift will have. I have many reasons to hate Christmas but having to endure these commercials is top of the list. Almost as bad as the Roger's 'gang' and their fake emotions and phony bonding. With two cute girls in the group the guys would be cutting each others throats to get into bed with either of them so in order for the commercials to 'work' the three guys would have to all be gay which kinda makes sense now that I think about it. The blond does do a good job of acting surprised that she got a flip phone for christmas so you just know she could fake an orgasm like a pro. Just don't look at your watch when you are doing it sweetie. It totally spoils the moment for me.

13. Animals (pets) that wear cloths. Nuff said.

14. Playtex Sport tampon commercials. Why even make regular if you have this heavy duty prodduct around? Perfect for those days during your period when you are playing soccer in the day and rockin out with your all girl band (in your white pants) at night. Like that ever happens. Well it happens to me but I digress. Its that lame ass kick the girl does just to show she is a REAL rocker and confindant about her protection. Why do we need commercials for these products anyways. Its not a secret anymore.

15. Any bad as they are I hate hate hate them the most when they do that little black and white scene that shows what your life is like BEFORE you purchased the marvelous pasta maker or the pancake genie. First of all why is it in black and my life in black and white at any time? Am I a noir film? Is it 1942?? Will my family really rebel and kill me if I don't make them heart shaped pancakes? Can I really get all this for $19.99???? Somebody stop the madness!! And am I an olympic diver? Do I really need a SHAM WOW? And before you ask me what do I do when I spill Pepsi on the rug I have to tell you that I have hardwood floors..bitches!!!!

16. Commercials for the MINI POPS album. They are already on #5. These CDs from K-Tel which made crappy products but awesome compelation albums in the 70s seem to only make this one product these days. And the commercial is the worst part. Tweeners who are the most annoying wannabees ever sing kid versions of popular pop songs with all the emotion of an american idol audition or a difficult bowel movement. And their dancing is a combination of hip hop and white old men rockin it out at a relative's wedding. The little blonde girl is cute but the rest are the worst kind of child actors/singers even to come down the showbiz parent trap. Wanting to smack someone you see in a commercial does not bode well for your product K-Tel. so K..I am TELling you to knock it off. They offer a DVD with the CD that has the MAKING of about one showing the DEATH of the mini-pops. I would pay for that.

1 comment:

Wings1295 said...

That is quite a list! Hope '09 is working out the way you wanted it to!

And hey, Kuzco the llama is okay, right? :)