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An old friend of mine died this week. He only lived an hour from me and was on Facebook but I hadn't spoken to him in years. I have a real hard time re-connecting with old friends and often making new ones is difficult for me also.
Paul Ramesar was one of the best guys to hang around with. Impeccable in his uniform or personal dress, he gave the image of the consummate professional. You could count on him to take the job and do it right. He was all class. I don't remember an unkind word ever coming out of his mouth.
As professional as he could be, he could also be counted on to help you prank someone and was always a part of any scams or schemes we were working on. If we were a mafia family, Paul was a made man. He helped bury the bodies and kept all the secrets.
These photos were part of our promotion for an camp air guitar contest. We called ourselves 'Paul and the Chesterfields' and we did two Prince songs - '1999' and 'Little Red Corvett'. Of course we won but only because Paul shook his money maker and sold the performance.
I feel ashamed that I never connected with Paul over these past years. I thought about attending his memorial on Sunday but I would have to confront old friends from that era, friends I haven't spoken with in decades and I don't think I can do that.
I hate to think that because of some one's death, I was remembered from those times. I just can't pick up where I left off because I am afraid of being left behind all over again. One of the reason I hate Facebook is that it reminds me there are people out there that I would love to reconnect with - only they have no interest in me and would rather forget about my part in their lives than rekindling the friendship. But, again, I would hate to have friends in my life right now too. It would just be another person for me to let down or disappoint.
Rest in Peace.
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7 comments:
Sorry to hear about your friend. That's just awful.
Are you all right, Cal? You've been sounding unusually down on yourself over the past week or so.
Really, I thought I was just feeling my pain openly. I use self-depreciation to cover my pain as I get it out. Thanks for noticing.
Not at all. If I could ask the question in a different context (like, buying you a beer) I would; but you don't seem to mind having it all out here on the website. Anyway I hope you can maintain your good cheer. You're very far from alone (even though the Internet can make it all weird).
Sorry about your friend, Cal. :(
Good memories, though. Hold on to them!
Condolences. I know how it is to lose friends even if you haven't seen them in a while. I've lost all of my good friends I met in the 60s and 70s. Fast lifestyle.
I'm getting use to your style of purging your dark side, but I still get concerned when you do. I tend to hold that stuff in and it always comes back one way or another. I like your style, but you could never disappoint.
Dude, you should totally go and pay your respects. I bet you would be surprised about people reconnecting with you. They will want to laugh and share the memories of those scams and pranks.
Your tribute and memorial to your old friend come from your heart. That's genuine and enough.
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