Friday, July 25, 2014

Let's See How Long I Can Stand To Watch Expendibles 3

I like many of the actors in this movie. I grew up enjoying their kick ass adventures but that was 20 years ago and most of these action stars are way past their prime. I don't think I can stand to see the broken down heroes of my youth trying to keep up with the other old men around them. I suspect I don't get to the 12 minute mark before I turn this off. I never turn off a movie once I start it but I suspect this one will test my rules to the limit. I didn't see parts one or two so I hope I won't be lost.

I have seen many lists of actors who were cast is this movie but you never know who will make the final cut. Unfortunately MILA didn't make it into the movie which seems like a shame. Or maybe it was all a hoax to begin with. I don't know what I think about all this. Who promises me a Mila and then does not deliver a Mila. I blame Gibson. He called her something rude and she walked.

Holy crap. I am 18 minutes in and still they have my attention. The stunts have some originality to them and I loved the way the 'Expendibles' work together as a team to save each other's bacon. It's just action movie stuff but it's GOOD action movie stuff. I haven't seen the first two movies in the series so I was spared most of the 'old' guys for most of the film. It actually made it fresh.

The dialog is nothing you haven't heard before. Every joke is recycled from a previous action movie. Who cares. All of this works for me. I wanted to see people get shot and shot they got. I wanted to see people get stabbed. People got stabbed. Lots of stuff also blew up. What more do you want out of a goofy movie like this?

Then Mel Gibson drops a missile on them. He is an easy bad guy to hate.

Damn, shit just got real. Good thing these old men have medicare and time to plan their revenge. It's really all they have to do with their time unless they want to join a bowling league.

Then Schwartzenegger and Harrison Ford show up.

Then it get's goofy when Sly tries to walk away from his old team to form a new team because he doesn't want to see anymore of his friends die. Then the new team gets caught and the old team has to come back together to save the kids.

All of these guys look like five miles of bad country road but they have tremendous upper body strength and are immune to bullets.

Antonio Banderas is fantastic as a wannabee member of the team. They don't want him because he's too OLD and just a bit crazy. WTF? Stallone is a hundred and two. Banderas owns every scene he is in. That's my Zorro.

I don't even mind Kelsey Grammar as he and Sly travel the world to put together a new team of badasses and troublemakers. After all, you don't go light against Mel Gibson. I have heard the tapes he made for his ex-girlfriend. That guy is crazy.

48 minutes in and I am with this one until the end I think. It's a great full retard execution of a high concept. That is my formula for a good movie. The formula is never wrong.

Oh I get it, it's OLD SCHOOL vs NEW SCHOOL. And damn if it doesn't work.

I love when our boys have to make a standoff. They all have the exact perfect place to stand so that the camera catches them all in glorious action poses. The movie moves fast and there are some impressive action sequences. I have to give Stallone credit. He knows how to make these kind of pictures. They will never win an Oscar but for what they are, they do the job. I was entertained more than I had any right to be.

They have a gun that shoots around corners? Damn. The last 40 minutes of this movie has some of the greatest fight choreography that I have ever seen. Setting the whole thing in some bombed out factory makes the whole thing operate like the coolest video game you have ever played. So much fun with tanks and dirt bikes and one final escape that not everyone will survive. These are my favorite movies of all.

I went into this one thinking that I would hate it but I came out with a new respect for Stallone, the old man. He could have made this movie in this sleep but instead chose to put everything he could into this shot-em-up actioner. Full retard is the only way that this works and work it does. I can't say enough times that this one was a sweet surprise.


Mike D. said...

This was released in Canada already?

Kal said...

I have many associates who have associates of their own. That is all I can say.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Since when is Antonio Banderas OLD? Tell me it ain't so!

Kal said...

I know. But he looked good. Did his own stunts and acted batshit crazy.

Mike said...

Excited for this. The other two were great

Mike said...

Dude seriously, GO WATCH THE FIRST TWO!