Friday, June 9, 2017

The Mummy (2017)

I had no interest in seeing this film because Tom Cruise hasn't made an movie that interests me with the exception of Edge of Tomorrow. How that one slipped through his crap movie meter I will never understand. And once I saw that the trailer for The Mummy showed more scenes of Tom running in front of explosions that never seem to reach him, I knew this was another one I needed to avoid. But then you get a email from your Russian buddy offering you a look at a pristine screener and suddenly my next 90 minutes are spoken for. Let's see how bad this one really is. It's is suppose to be the start of Universal's DARK UNIVERSE with remakes of all their classic monster films like The Invisible Man and Frankenstein. The poor reviews coming out from this one might be the end of that idea.

From the trailer you can get the basic story. Tom and the girl and his buddy find the body of an evil woman who was mummified alive thousands of years ago and because of Tom's actions, she is now free to fulfill her promise to the God of Death and bring destruction to our world. From there he is on the run but there are very few thrills that should be the center of a movie like this. Just Tom getting thrown around for most of the film.

Now I will admit that the plane stunt was very impressive and unlike anything I had seen before. It wasn't done in a sound stage but in the air with an actual cargo plane. Sometimes when I see Tom push the safety limits of these kinds of stunts I wonder if this will be the time when his luck runs out and he dies doing something just to show that he can do anything. Look at any Mission Impossible movie for proof of my words. At some point the law of averages has to catch up with him. Too bad it wasn't in this movie.

And there he goes again - RUN TOM RUN...always on the run and JUST out of reach of the things exploding around him. Also any comedy they try to inject into this film falls flatter than a popcorn fart. This is not the movie for laughs like the Brendan Frasier Mummy versions were. Jokes worked there but not here.

In this movie Tom is immortal and can't be killed but everyone around him goes through the same damage that he does but someone not a bone or a nail is broken. His female companion should have died horribly a half dozen times but survived it all.

Russel Crowe does his best and the guy who explains everything to our heroes but having Doctor Jekyll as the leader of a secret society seems to be cramming one to many mystical characters into one film. I kept waiting for his Mr Hyde to appear and when he did I was underwhelmed. What was the point of having Jekyll and Hyde? Totally unnecessary. He could have been John Smith for all the difference his appearance made. Just an excuse for Tom to fight another monster like one indestructible Mummy girl was not enough. More Tom getting tossed around.

Now the ending? That couldn't have been any stupider if a monkey had written it. I saw the ending coming from down the block that even left room for an even worse sequel. If you are at all interested in this one wait until it comes on TV. You missed nothing by not seeing it in the theatre.


Debra She Who Seeks said...

The Global movie reviewer gave it a real stinker of a review too. Pee-ewww!

Rob R said...

Thanks for saving me some money!