Saturday, February 24, 2018

I Just Saw Something Rarer Than A Unicorn. The USA Just Won The Gold Medal In Men's Curling And Somehow Mr T Is Involved In The Story

SEE...THIS IS WHY YOU CAN NEVER HAVE MR T ATTACHED TO A CURLING GOLD MEDAL. His no-nosense style is not for the laid back curling crowd. I mean I LOVE the A-Team and Rocky 3 and that dumb cartoon he had back in the eighties but curling is something I never saw in his future. Now he HAS to take up the game and become really good at it. This will be his third and best act yet. But damn those PITY THE FOOL WHO HOGS HIS ROCK lines will get old really fast.

Goddamn Team Shuster. NO ONE would have picked you to take home the Gold. I mean your last two Olympic finishes were 10th and 9th. You were just practice for the better teams. But not this year. 'Ham and Eggers' living the dream during the best two weeks of their lives. Don't get any better than that for a team that Canada has had the pleasure of beating up upon low these many decades. Now hopefully this will mean a Rennaisance in American Curling. It's a good game. It's a hard game and you will get a workout but it's alot of fun to play. Like Golf. Once you play it, you will watch it on TV whenever you can. So kudos to my American brothers. No one believed in you because...I mean look at you.You took a BUS to South Korea that's how poor your Curling Federation is. In the US it's a joke because it's a sport that Americans really, really, really, suck at. Sure you are tops at bashing your head into another players head over a little ball but you can't Curl to save you lives. Truthfully, it's one of the things that disappoints us the most about you Yankees. You don't even try.

But Team Shuster won their games from the start and slowly made their way into the semi-finals and then the GOLD FREAKIN MEDAL GAME. TEAM USA did that. In CURLING! No, you don't understand. This NEVER happens. EVER. NOT IN MY LIFETIME! All I could do was sit there and watch it. The truth is that this moment was a long time coming. The world has been getting better and better and have finally caught the Canadians with the help of Canadian Coaches. We are still GODS at this game but so are many other teams. Our Men's and Women's teams left the Olympics with NO medals when just two weeks ago the Gold Medals were a LOCK....until it wasn't and it stopped being funny.

They made Thomas Edin of Sweden CONCEED the game. CONCEED. That just doesn't happen at this level. But Shuster got 10 freaking points on Edin (he got a FIVE in the eighth end which is also unheard of at this level) who is argueably one or the best ever to play the game. He was just stunned by a team he thought he would have no problem in beating. He's so good that he knows he's good but don't need to act like he knows he's good. He was one of the first Europeans to come to Canada to play in any crappy bonspiel he could get into just to learn the Canadian game. He knew he wouldn't be great without those skills in his back pocket. It's served him well. He's perennially the Swedish champion and he';s always around final weekend at any big Curling event. What I am saying is that Edin is no lightweight. He lost only ONE game at these Olympics. Well two if you could the Gold medal game. Everyone thought is would be Canada and Sweden in the final. You could put money on it. No brainer. Then comes those freakin Yankees who kept grinding out wins so they could get into the playoffs and never looked back. It's like they were possessed by that feeling we all have felt when we are in the A Event Final and around the 7th end you know you are going to win the whole thing. THEN the games gets fun. Hold you heads up high you magnificent Hillbilly bastards. You beat the best and you have a story that you will tell for the rest of your lives. I for one won't ever tire of hearing that tale over a rye and coke and a curling club cheeseburger.

But you all have to promise me that you won't go to the White House to see the performing monkey named Donald. You will give him a broom and he will pretend he knows how to use it and you will present him with a curling stone which he will drop on his foot because his tiny hands can't take the weight of all that granite. Then he will declare WAR ON CURLING and we will all be fucked. Don't spoil the great thing you just did here.

The U.S. men's team led by skip John Shuster has claimed the country's first-ever gold in curling after defeating Sweden 10-7 early Saturday.

Shuster scored five points in a dominant eighth end to break a 5-5 deadlock and place the medal all but around his neck.

The only previous medal in curling won by the U.S. was a bronze in 2006. Shuster was a member of that rink, as well.

It's a remarkable story for Shuster and the U.S. curling team - one that will certainly draw comparisons to the "Miracle on Ice" achieved by the U.S. men's hockey team in 1980.

Shuster skipped the U.S. team to dead-last finishes at Vancouver 2010 and Sochi 2014. Following those disappointments, he was cut from the national High Performance Program, which had the goal of creating a new curling training camp capable of producing athletes capable of better results on the world stage.

Shuster responded by creating a rink dubbed "The Rejects" and consisting of himself, John Landsteiner, Matt Hamilton, and Tyler George. The group won the 2015 U.S. championship and was eventually added to the High Performance Program and went on to win the 2017 U.S. championship and U.S. Olympic trials.

The this morning I read THIS headline which only furthers the mythology of this scrappy team of believers who look and talk and play like every single guy I have ever met in small town curling club. It's an Oscar winning movie in the making now. A cynical man would say some Hollywood PR Hack switched the medals or payed someone to switch the medals but I am not a cynical man.

Team Shuster Accidentally Awarded Gold Medals For Women's Curling

Part of me wishes that they would just keep the medals they were given. It's a better story anyways and give the MEN'S Gold Medals to their hometown curling club in Deluth, Minnesota. They can get new Medals for the Woman's Gold Medal winner.



Debra She Who Seeks said...

I wonder if their underdog story will be made into a big Hollywood movie now?

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

How could they not. I hope they call me to consult. I will make a tear jerker that will have them crying in the aisles. Those scenes where they have to give up booze and fried foods and hit the gym and a special performance center. Like Rocky only with Curling. I will try not to ramble during my Oscar acceptance speach.