Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Taylor Swift's Bad Blood

I really wanted to like this vanity video but it all kinda passed me by and left me feeling cold. I guess I am no longer hip or 'with it' like the kids would say. In fact. I think I hated it. No, I most definitely hated it.

First of all Taylor Swift looks skeletal in this. Sickly thin. In no way do I believe she can 'secret agent' anything. I don't know where she gets the energy to even climb stairs on the half a grape a day diet she must be on. Selena Gomez comes off a little better but she is almost too tiny to kick ass like the UFC fighter she is pretending to imitate.  (And spelling ARSON - ARSYN is just a bit too cute even for me).

You would think that such a short film would make me hungry for a longer version, say in the vein of a 'Sucker Punch' but you would be wrong. I found this thing to be over busy and relentless. I was happy that it was over and the assault on my senses could end. None of these girls convinced me that they had any comfort using the weapons they were training Taylor to master. Didn't buy it for a second and I SHOULD, especially from Taylor Swift.

A strange misstep from the golden girl except for the red hair which I think she should keep forever and ever.

The names are all stupid and SOUND made up which is the worst things you can do with a character's name. Some seem very 'inside' too.

Taylor Swift as Catastrophe
Selena Gomez as Arsyn
Karlie Kloss as Knockout
Kendrick Lamar as Welvin Da Great
Martha Hunt as HomeSlice
Jessica Alba as Domino
Serayah as Dilemma
Lena Dunham as Lucky Fiori
Hailee Steinfeld as The Trinity
Ellie Goulding as Destructa X
GiGi Hadid as Slay-Z
Hayley Williams as The Crimson Curse
Zendaya as Cut-Throat
Lily Aldridge as Frostbyte
Ellen Pompeo as Luna
Mariska Hargitay as Justice
Cara Delevingne as Mother Chucker
Cindy Crawford as Headmistress

I have to admit, one cameo of a strong woman character who is the REAL DEAL is Mariska Hargitay as Justice. She of course stars as Olivia Benson of my beloved Law and Order SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT. Never missed an episode in a over a decade and a half and mostly that is because of Olivia. That appearance made me smile. I had to check the list to see if it was really her.

But over all. Eh. We could have done more with this ladies. Less posing and primping and bad effects and something a big more real and organic. You almost got it right.

And thank you for no Kanye or Kim. That alone should get you my full endorsement but I can't make that call. One more trip through the creative cycle and maybe you would have had a classic for the ages instead of something that is going to look dated six weeks from now.


Jordan said...

I agree with you; it's absolutely awful. I hated it. Derivative, dull, loud, abrasive.

And putting Lena Dunham in there was absolutely ridiculous. Like casting Patton Oswald as Thor.

DrGoat said...

Got about a minute into it and couldn't stomach it anymore. Same old BS music/rap crap (that I hate). Pretentious BS.

Nathan said...

Yeah, if you want a music video with cute girls and an espionage theme, you should probably stick with Jenny Lewis: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHXwi4V3kVo

Or, for that matter, the Spice Girls: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ro0FW9Qt-4

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

OMG..when I am LONGING for the sophistication of the SPICE GIRLS we are in some bad territory here. But this is not made for OUR demographic. What do the kid's think??

Debra She Who Seeks said...

I like it. I predict it will be a megahit.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

Oh Wilma. Why.