Thursday, July 28, 2016

Oh This Looks Stinky

It turns out the Great Wall of China was erected to keep out dragons. Behold, the trailer for The Great Wall, a fantasy action monster movie about an epic battle against dragons in ancient China... starring Matt Damon. Yes, a thousand years ago, Jason Friggin' Bourne saved the Chinese from dragons.

Directed by Zhang Yimou, and touted as the most expensive Chinese movie of all time, the movie stars a long-haired Matt Damon alongside Chinese superstars like Andy Lau, Luhan and Jing Tian, in a crazy-ass smoke and spears and fire and arrows battle on the Great Wall against fire-breathing dragons.

I guess they all can't be winners. Now explain to me how a wall keeps out a creature that FLIES. It makes no sense. Matt put in a week's work in China for a production that probably has been in operation for months. Thousands of soldiers are routinely 'loaned out' to these epics to flesh out the scenes of vast armies. It's something that can't be recreated with computer effects. It's just different to have the real human bodies attacking a flaming wooden wall. Thousands of them at one time all moving towards the objective....with arrows and spears and swords and horses and fire. I can't get enough. But this looks bad. Poor Matt. I hope you gave the money to some good charity to cleanse your cosmic karma.


Debra She Who Seeks said...

I wonder just how much they paid him? A vast sum, I suspect.

DrGoat said...

Oh yeah. Mucho Dinero.