Friday, January 25, 2019

An Open Letter To All Who Enjoy Calvin's Canadian Cave Of Cool

I am under a lot of stress right now and one thing that hasn't helped is my guilt over not watching any of the big shows I should be watching and talking about. I try to be current here at the Cave of Cool.
I enjoy being one of the bloggers that gets his review of all the big movies and bingeable shows out early. Lately I have been feeling the pressure and missing the point. My reviews are not for people who are already going to see these same films I see. My reviews are for ones on the fence. If I can convince a few in the tribe to see UPGRADE then I am happy.

I should already have seen SPLIT and GLASS and waxed brilliantly on both and if they lived up to my expectations which couldn't be higher. As you know I love UNBREAKABLE like no man alive. That movie and the 84 DUNE changed my life. So I want to be in the right mood to watch my screeners and see the trilogy in one shot and get the full experience. It means to much to me to be rushed.
My BUMBLEBEE review is a great example of what I try to do at the Cave of Cool. Many of the tribe who had been hurt so deeply by the 'Transformers Movie Experience' up to this point were skeptical and rightfully so. All Michael Bay gave us was visual confusion and noise. His work is just torturous noise that unfortunately was the way a beloved franchise was destroyed over how many crappy movies?? Fuck Michael Bay.

But I told them to see the BUMBLEBEE film and trust me for I too had been hurt by Michael Bay and his bullshit of which Mark Walberg takes much of the blame for as well. Many just put on their big boy pants and took a chance one more time with a TRANSFORMERS movie. They expected it to be crappy.
But BUMBLEBEE was awesome. It make all the hurt and sadness go away and if any man who sees BUMBLEBEE doesn't admit he teared up in the last minute of that film I am calling him a damn liar to his face.
So what is my point? My point is that I am done feeling guilty for being a man of many, many interests. I know enough to intelligently converse about most everything because that is my passion. I need to be in a certain mood to enjoy certain pieces of my beloved Pop Culture. So don't give me that look, Frank.

I will watch your SPLIT and your GLASS and your PUNISHER on MY schedule but I got to go with my gut on this one and instead watch Celebrity Big Brother with people who are as D LIST as they get. Anthony Scaramouch, Lindsey Lohan's crazy ass Mother, Kato Kailin? Fuck me that's great. Who will be the first one to ask Kato about OJ. The better happen in minute TWO or I am tuning out. Naw. I have to watch every cringe inducing second of terrible humans acting even more terrible while locked up together like lab mice. What a beautifully vicious concept. That is hillbilly television gold that sings to me like a siren in the night. It will be a horror of a train wreck of a massacre and I won't miss a second of it. I must be true to myself and follow my heart and not my head on this one.
I hope you all understand.
Please join me and watch Celebrity Big Brother with me if only to mock it with me. I am sure it will not disappoint. Let me show you why I love this garbage so much. But then I saw this video and my invitation is off. You lightweights can't handle this kind of bottom basement reality TV. This makes Honey Boo Boo look like Downtown Abbey. I only know about half these muppets. How can you call them celebrities? This may be where I finally draw the line.



Chase March said...

Don't feel obligated to watch things at all. Watch what you want. Unless you worked for Entertainment Weekly or something like that, you don't have to push out content and stay up with everything.

No need for the guilt, my man.

And I agree with you. I haven't seen Split or Glass. But I did watch Bumblebee because of you and always look for your reviews before I go see something. Or to see if we both enjoyed or didn't enjoy the film.

Take care!

Debra She Who Seeks said...

I look forward to your reviews of this season's Celebrity Big Brother. It looks positively dreadful and you're right, there's no way I could handle watching even 5 minutes of it. You must be my ears and eyes. You are strong enough to take the hit.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

Thank you. I was feeling a little pressure but you are right. I do have the responsibility to the world to show just how bad TV can get if you take your eye off it for a second.