Tuesday, January 29, 2019

Not The WORST Music Video In History But It's Pretty Damn Close

Sometimes when you are trying to get a music career going and you have a snappy little tune and somebody offers to make a music video of your hit song you just jump and don't interview another 'video director'. You were young and cute and the world was your oyster, Patty. But, damn girl. This is a nightmare of a hurricane of a train wreck with a sprinkling of Ebola.

I mean, Look at this. It got made I am looking at it. Do you know the investment of time, energy, and total lack of talent went into this? Did she have final approval? I hope not but I suspect she did. This is so overproduced and embarrassing but not in the good and fun way. I can't believe in a room full of DANCERS that no one told her that she moves in a weird way. She has no idea what to do with her hands. Is she trapped in an invisible phone booth? It's all very odd to watch how she chose to use her body in a video full of professionally trained dancers. Odd.

And the whole look and theme is horrific. Her look started bad and then she 'evolved' into something ever less appealing. Everyone knows that I love 80s fashion and hairstyles like no 54 year old man should but her whole look is so many bad choices fused together. I know this was the eighties but were you watching the dailies? Where was the record company stooge that should have been informing Corporate what was going on in that empty garage they rented for this 'shoot'. Can you imagine what craft services was like on this project? And people showed up for at least a week or more to see that this piece of shit got done. And they did it enthusiastically. WOW. No way this project should have gotten completed. This is how we get a Hitler or Trump. No one in their lives turned to them and said, "NO. This is a bad idea."

What is the video even about? What is the shitty concept I am looking at here. She is a 'warrior' so she can change her hairstyle and make-up on a whim? And if she is saying 'bang bang' do you think  maybe she should have some guns. Maybe two laser guns so I can keep giving a shit. Don't get me started on the rest of the 'characters'. Who is her bf? Why can he move so well and it's like she has M.S. ? Why is SHE the 'warrior'. She even forgot her laser pistols at home so what damn good is she to the Revolution anyways?

So someone is to blame for THIS. I want him found so he an explain himself to me. Even for the 1980s this is gauche. This offends me. Thank you You Tubes for cycling this one into my feed because I needed to remember this abomination. The children need to see that sometimes you work out a concept with a TEAM and don't just go with the first thing that popped into that tiny little imagination of yours. Take a few suggestions from others and don't look at it as criticism. They just want you to be the best video director you can be.

No, but seriously. If YOU created this you have to answer for it.

Then I decide to read the comments under the video which is something I never do when I hate something but I see comments like this. They are both lunatics. Of course she turned down Van Halen because they are VAN HALEN and she isn't. It is me? You would tell me if it was me, right?

Yup. Dear old Dad was right. Never read the comments and never ever take off your helmet in space or under water.

PATTY SMYTH IS SO UNDERRATED!!!!!!๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž She's as good a singer as Ann Wilson or Pat Benatar but never really got the CREDIT they did! Hell she was asked to be Van Halen new lead singer and TURNED THEM DOWN!!!!! ๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž
Actually she was offered the lead singer position for Van Halen by Eddie but she turned it down. She and Eddie's wife were good friends...

(Artist's note - I wrote this one over two days but I must post it because I can't stop thinking of bad things to say about it and it's sucking too much of my time and attention - both of which this video is unworthy to have. But I could do this all week.)


Ant said...

One of my favourite singers when I was at uni in the 1980s!


Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

I agree but this video is mess. I was a Stevie Nicks guy at that time.