Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Actual Conversation With My Seventy One Year Old Mother

My mother really enjoys the 'Guinness Book of World Records' Every Christmas for as long as I remember, me and my sister got Steven King Books, Big cheap coffee table books on topics she new we enjoyed and the latest Guinness Records yearbook.

We never asked for that record book. She really bought that book for herself and delighted in the stupid and impressive records that people held and made sure that we knew them too. I am sure she had all kind of records setting plans for me and my sister but since I don't smoke or swallow swords there was no way that I was ever getting a hundred of them in my mouth at the same time.

Often she would threatened to enter us in a yearly eating contest where the person who ate the most bad children would be the winner. We were not meant to be the competitors but on the dinner menu. I knew my Grimm's Fairy tales so I understand her treat was no idle boast.

Upon seeing a short clip of this woman with the longest fingernails in the world my mother and I just had the following conversation;

Mom - "I don't like these long nail records. They would be a real pain to take care of."

Calvin -(incredulous because I hate this particular Guinness Record most of all) "Who cares how hard the nails would be to care for! I want to know how she does her toilet duties with those stupid things!

Mom - (after thinking about what I said for a second) "YEH! WHAT IS SHE GOING TO DO ON THE TOILET? Why don't people THINK before they start a project like this?


Debra She Who Seeks said...

Freaky Fingernail Lady must have a husband who loves her very much.

Kal said...

I love no one enough to clean crap off their long fingernails because there is an easier solution, nailclippers.

Sarah said...

I'm guessing he just wipes for her. When you & your spouse get up in years, it's expected that you do that for each other.

I couldn't imagine growing them that long...I get irritated the moment my pinky nails get long enough to hit funny on the keyboard when I type.