My List Of B-Movie Favorites

Eight Legged Freaks

Giant monster movies with a sense of humor about themselves are the best kind of entertainment when done right. This one combines a great script, very appealing characters and kick-ass special effect that make you believe you are in the middle of an invasion by giant spiders.

"What the hell is that?" "Spider...man."




13Th Warrior

This is one I go to when I want my adventure laced with fresh characters and a tale of honor and sacrifice. There are too many great character arcs to single one out but I would encourage you to watch Bovie, the Viking Chief. The interactions he has with the learned Arab (played by Antonio Bandaras) show us so much about a man who wants to be an educated person but in his culture, such a skill was not respected or needed. Bovie knew that it should be if his people were to improve and he did not fear the future as so many of his fellow Northmen did.

"A man might be thought wealthy if someone were to DRAW the tales of his deeds. So that they may be remembered."




Jumanji

When I want to laugh and scream and have the best time I go to Jumanji. It's not only a terrific adventure story but a great family drama with a beautiful holiday ending. Plus what is funnier than the adventures of David Allen Greer's Police Chief and his poor doomed police car? Following that car's story arc is a hoot each time.

Kirsten Dunst has never been more adorable and for once Robin Williams is UNDER ACTING. It all works. I would welcome a version where many of the animal CGI has been cleaned up and improved using today's technology. The movie deserves those scenes to not look so obviously computer generated.

"Go on then...TAKE IT!"




Golden Voyage of Sinbad

The perfect childhood adventure full of monster terrors and monster heroics. Captain Sinbad played by John Phillip Law (Diabolik, Barbarella)is braver than brave. This one has plenty of humor too as well as the sexy Caroline Munroe as Mariana - my first childhood crush and the great Tom Baker as the evil Prince Koura. How can you resist a movie with Harryhausan stop motion monsters a plenty and a disfigured Grand Vizier who hides his injury with a gold mask? Most everything about this one is perfect and every time I watch I become the boy who was ten when he first saw it on the matinee screen. I can recite this movie by heart.

"Trust in Allah. But tie up your camel."




Escape from New York and L.A.

Snake Plisken, an impossible mission, the inevitable double cross and Snake's paybacks which are both ironic and just, are just some of the great elements of a Snake Plisken picture. Snake is the man you want to go on the suicide mission that is doomed to failure when you want that mission to succeed. Snake don't know how to die and he can absorb tons of injury before using his reptile brain to outsmart all the other snakes in the room. He gets the job done - just not in the way his handlers hoped that he would when they recruited him in the first place.

"You may have survived Cleavland. You may have escaped from New York. But this is L.A. vatto! And you are going to find, that this fuckin' city, can kill ANYBODY!"




The One

Everything in this great action/scifi/world jumping/thinker of a film leads up to one of the best endings in action movie history. The "I AM YU LAW"...speech is brilliant as is the final shot that reminds us that a similar harsh dystopian future might await us all - the flip side of the 'living happily ever after' story ending and the reason I love science fiction so much.

"I am JU LAW! I am nobody's BITCH! YOU are MINE!!"



And of course that great ending. Skip if you don't want spoilers.




Resident Evil Series

It was Alice. It was always Alice. Since waking in the mansion, she has fought to learn all about the corporation who created her only to use that knowledge to destroy them from within. The words in my nightmares include 'Raccoon City', 'Umbrella Corporation', and the 'Red Queen'. Nothing cooler to me than the moment when Alice takes out the zombie dogs in the first film in the franchise.

"You are all going to die."




Dr. Strangelove

Political satire about the end of the world and the mutual ensured destruction of both the US and the USSR. Peter Sellers plays many characters including a British Army Officer, The President of the United States, and Dr. Strangelove, the ex-Nazi offering advice to the President about avoiding the end of the world. George C. Scott is very funny as the crazy General at the heart of 'War Room' complete with it's 'Big Board'.

Juxtapose these bizarre political wranglings with the actions of a B-52 Bomber on it's way to Russia with a nuclear payload and you have one of Stanley Kubrick's best. Slim Pickens is iconic and there is even a role for James Earle Jones on that ill-fated bomber crew.

"Well of course I like talking with you Dmitri..."