Saturday, July 31, 2010

60 Second Stories By Cal - 4 - Costco

I love going to Costco. All the food is huge and in huge packages. They have the best fresh buns and they especially have free food that sample ladies cook up at the front of every aisle.

Now there are two type of sample ladies - one kind are more than happy to give you all the samples you want. And schmooze with you patiently as they cook up another batch.

The other type act like it is THEIR food in THEIR kitchen and that you are some kind of rogue bear that has come into her house and raided her pantry. These are the ones that give you the stinkeye.

Frankly I have no sympathy for the ones that hate the fact that I am cleaning them out of mini-wieners or mini-pizzas or mini-grilled cheese sammiches. It's a contest of wills. They expect me to feel bad and walk away. I expect them to just get with the cooking of more snacks. After all, someone in my family paid good money for that COSTCO CARD and I am going to get full value for it.

One time I was there with my Mom and my Aunt and the sample lady was very ignorant. She told a young child to go away when the kid reached for an extra napkin. I figured that she needed to be taught a lesson.

I silently went up to her and waited for her to finish preparing another plate of snacks. I took one then reached for another. In her 'oh so superior voice' she proclaimed that there were many other people that wanted samples. I looked around me and there was no one else there. Then in my 'special needs' voice I exclaimed, "I like pizza!"

Immediately her faced turned red because she thought I was disabled. I took one pizza snack after the other and talked about how good they were and how my mom lets me have pizza on Friday - that Friday was pizza day and I liked pizza day - and did this in a voice loud enough to draw attention and make her feel worse.

I caught my Mom's eye and she just shook her head and snuck into another aisle. I finished my second plate and shook the lady's hand and thanked her for making today just like pizza day and I walked away.

As I was leaving I looked back and she was opening another box of mini-pizzas and leaving the plate out so that the kids gathered around her could have all they wanted.

It felt good.

Thanks to cheeseboy who inspired this post with his graph.

8 comments: said...

This is hysterical. I love it (especially when your mom walked by like she didn't know you)!

Kal said...

It's not the first time she has done that I assure you.

Wings1295 said...

Funny stuff! Would have been awesome if your mom came over and joined in, snapping at the lady for giving pizza to her boy when it wasn't pizza day! hahaha

Kal said...

I agree with you Wings, but she wasn't such a sport. Now my Father would have been totally in on the gag.

The Invisible Seductress said...

Man I just love you! I can totally see you doing this, I would have been right beside you!! After many a "special person" trek through the mall with my dad trying to embarrass my mom and problem making with a character when I need to, I just need an accomplice over the age of 12!!

Kal said...

I wish we would have met when we were 12 - oh the mischief we could have done.

Pat Tillett said...

Oh yeah! I love costco. If I can't get full on samples, a hot dog and a "bottomless" drink for $1.50 can take care of the rest.
I feel a blog post coming on! Thanks for the inspiration Kal..

M. D. Jackson said...

My wife and I got Costco cards a few years back. At first I loved the store and the free samples. But after about an hour I began to feel this odd, existential angst and suddenly I was convinced that I had turned into a mouse and I was scurrying around inside a giant box nibbling at crumbs wherever I found them.

I left in a hurry and haven't been back since.