Thursday, September 18, 2014

The Mysteries Of Laura

I make it a tradition to watch each new television season with the wide eyed expectations of a child at Christmas. I hope for something that will amuse me and be something that is different from all the other shows I have watched before. I like something smart, and a little bit cute. I like quirky but that can be a really fine line to walk. Sheldon on Big Bang Theory was fun for years and years. Loved him. Now I just can't watch.

-Debar Messing is very beautiful, especially in the kind of television faux cop show soft lighting that made Castle so famous. Even all frazzled she still dazzles which is why this is the exact type of fake television characters that I have spent my whole life trying not to love. I am burned each and every time but still I go back. Okay Debra Messing. This is your shot to impress me.

-She is quirky, doesn't get along well with others, is overwhelmed sometimes as Mom and cop who has a quick and quirky solution to every quirky problem that law enforcement would encounter these days.

-She can shoot off a perps ear and not be disciplined in the slightest by her superiors. There is no hashtag on the Twitter calling for protests.

-She doesn't get along with the only other female at her work. It's distasteful to see you bicker so, ladies. You share a bathroom - WORK IT OUT or go back to handing out parking tickets.

-Did I mention how Laura's hair shines in the noonday sun - as she sits at her desk and smells some kind of leftovers she had wrapped in tinfoil and left on her oh so messy desk (her car is messy too. SUV after a family holiday messy) for God knows how long. She smells it. Makes a face. Then eats the food after shrugging her shoulders. How do they come up with these personality quirks? It's like she's a real person and not some hacks version of what a person life is actually like.

-Did I mention she has children but she still drives recklessly and shoots her gun off a lot. Some of that return fire has to hit her sometime, right? Just one stray bullet is all I am asking to put this show out of it's and my misery.

-Oh and one more thing. I am only THREE MINUTES AND TWENTY FOUR SECONDS into the first episode!! GAH!

-Dad is the softest of soft touches. He is such a marshmallow compared to her. Of course he is dating someone else. They are only a week into their divorce. He is also a cop. Charming. He get's to divorce her but still kiss her full on the lips.

-Then she sings Pat Benatar's The Warrior on her way to a crime scene. OMG. This is NOT happening.
- Enrico Colantoni wears a fedora and is another male marshmallow in Laura's life.

- Oh look, quirky suspects to a quirky homicide.

- She takes the cake and wine that is offered to her by the house full of SUPSECTS.

- Her boys get expelled because they urinate on each other and took a crap on their Principal's chair. That is not just bad parenting. That is a cry for help.

- Quirky gay man shows up with research and quirky voices to fill us all in on the suspects. OMG. This is actually happening in front of me. I never saw an actual train wreck before.

- She goes undercover at a spa just so they could get Debra into a bathing suit. Good for you and  your soft mood lighting again. Of course that means in the middle of her undercover operation she can enjoy a hot tub.

- A solution to the murder comes so far out of left field as to be outside of the stadium and down the street.

Someone shoot me dead for wasting 42 minutes of my life on this turkey.


Timothy S. Brannan said...

I "taped" it and was so hoping that it would have been good.

I adore Debra Messing and like it when she does well. Still, I will give it a shot.

Kal said...

You have to watch it to know you don't want to watch it...even with Debra Messing being herself.

Mike D. said...

I watched it. I liked her...she's always funny... She was so full of Grace it wasn't funny...and that was funny. Script : Terrible ... Debra : Very good in a terrible show. I'll give it another shot

Kal said...

Wow, you are better than I. Even her 'reveal' of the crime was tough to watch. I wanted to giggle when it was meant to be serious. Enrico I love ya but wow did he overact this thing.