Friday, October 29, 2010

Life Lessons From The Movies And TV

I found this list on Tumblr and liked the truths it exposed. Some of these come from Japanese mech/manga so I don't get all the references. I assume they would make sense to someone who likes that genre.

Please add any of your own in the comment sections so that I can start compiling another such list.

Ladies and Gentlemen

War sucks.

You CAN have too many women.

Smart people wear glasses.

Music foreshadows plot.

The less you care about sex, the more opportunities you’ll get.

(Inversely, the harder you try, the less you’ll get.)

When you die, make a long speech, and don’t finish the last sentence.

Snow means love.

The best teams come in fives.

In space, you can hear everything.

There’s always room for flashbacks!

When in China, listen to your tour guide.

The good guy always has the BLUE glow.

Speak quietly, pilot a big mech.

Believe in goddesses.

Teachers have excellent aim with small objects.

Vengeance with a mallet is the sweetest revenge of all.

Honor is sexy; villainy is irresistible.

Women are attracted to losers; men are attracted to ANYTHING.

The coolest weapon is still the sword.

The hero is never really mad until they hurt his girlfriend.

Female androids are sexy; male androids are….male androids.

The green-haired alien girl will always betray her people for the man she loves.

School uniforms are cool only when the collar is open.

A show without sexual tension isn’t worth watching.

Love knows no race, species, or logic.

If it’s homemade but tastes bad, grin and bury it (discreetly).

Never trust a huge corporation.

Romance never comes simpler than in a triangle.

Never fall in love with a psychic.

You can never have too much hair.

Sweating is a sure sign of stress.

Daydreaming leads to accidents.

Everyone wants to conquer Japan.

The cute, fuzzy creature isn’t what it seems.

Cherry blossoms mean nostalgia.

Always take gravity into account.

Settings and faces are self-generating.

Losing your temper can be therapeutic.

You can never have too many subplots.

If she sings, she’s doomed.

You always remember the sad endings.

Double suicide is romantic.

Outrageous vehicles only make the hero cooler.

Nothing delays romance like unruly neighbors.

Fancy ice cream is for girls only.

The most virtuous character will die.

Hot water has innumerable benefits.

No matter how much blood is lost, no one can die by a nosebleed.

(The same theory above applies to vomiting.)

The girl with the curly hair is always the seductress.

If a sister falls in love with her brother, somewhere down the line you will discover that they’re not blood related.

All demons/monsters have enormous genitalia.

All young children can pilot mecha, you just need to give them a few days.

It is possible to incorporate martial arts into any aspect of life.

All high school kids in Japan have parents that are away on extended business trips.

The oldest sister is the nice one, the youngest sister is the brash one.

You can do anything to the human body as long as you hit the right pressure point.

Consuming enormous amounts of alcohol daily will never have ill effects.

All major villains either want to take over the world or blow it up.

When someone paints up their face, they mean business.

No matter how many times you rebuild, Tokyo keeps getting destroyed in a massive fireball.

The martial arts expert is always defenseless against a slap from the girl who loves him.

TAKAHASHI’S LAW 1: Food is a powerful motivator.

When women are sent out to fight the bad guys, there’s always a hunk busily watching over them, often in secret.

The longer it takes to say what your punch is called, the less effective it is.

The more possessive a woman gets, the less likely she will end up with the man of her dreams.

No matter how big the mech/labor/mobile suit is, if it runs around the corner, the guy chasing it loses the trail.

The fate of the planet rests in the hands of the seemingly normal high school student.

The heroine must shred her clothes while transforming into something to fight the bad guys.

True evil can never be destroyed, only banished to some nether realm where it awakes after a few hundred years.

Even the bravest souls can be made weak and helpless by the sight of a cute little puppy or kitten.

All persons under the age of 50 can do a ten foot vertical jump from a standing position.

Never trust a guy with shiny teeth

ESP causes more trouble than it solves

The vampire isn’t always the bad guy

Nice things can come out of video stores that appear from nowhere

Idiot captains win battles against impossible odds

Just about any outer space villain has his sights set on destroying the Earth.

No other planet in the universe will be able to stop said villain except the Earth.

Any character can make a leap of 300 ft or more if given a good running start.

A samurai sword can cut through anything.

When uncovering a fabulous treasure, the thing will be large enough to completely destroy any surrounding structures.

Anime villains have the best deaths.

The hero always loses the first fight with a new enemy.

The guys with two earrings are from the Negaverse.

Don’t trust the guys with two earrings.

Any truly evil person who changes sides for the woman he loves will die in that episode.

You CAN do it, but only when it’s funny or REALLY important.

You can never have too many carrots.

Hair comes in every shade of the rainbow - and we do mean pink, purple, blue, green….

The song “Cry Me a River” takes on a whole new meaning.

My List

If the hero needs time to put on a power ring or suit of armor, the bad guys will wait patiently for him/her to do that.

Dead is never really dead (Unless you are Uncle Ben).

If they show the dead serial killer lying dead behind the back of the girl he was threatening, then that killer will sit up. This resurrection is not noticed by the girl until the killer comes up close behind her.

A character's cell phone will always ring when they are hiding from a killer thus exposing where they are hiding.

A hostage that the killer is threatening to kill if the hero takes one more step forward or doesn't throw down his gun will be shot by the hero with no damage done to the hostage.

A speeding car being chased by authorities will always destroy a conveniently placed fruit stand. Outside of a farmer's market, when has anyone of us EVER seen a old timey fruit cart on the street? Somehow, at least one car in the pursuit will hone in on one with deadly accuracy.

Slutty girls always die first.

The black guy never dies.

Movie heroes can take an enormous amount of punishment but somehow have energy to perform amazing feats of strength.

Heroes can throw dozens of punches to the face of their opponent without any actual visual damage being done to themselves except for that trickle of blood at the corner of the mouth.

On TV, the person who ends up being the one responsible for a crime is easy to spot. They are an actor you have seen before in something else. The killer is never a nobody.


M. D. Jackson said...

I've been watching TV for over fourty years and the only lesson that I can remember is that the ensign with the red shirt will probably not be beaming back with the rest of the landing party.

Unknown said...

Theres some weird shit there...

The black guy is always the first to die...

Nick Ward said...

The most important lesson I've learnt from watching films is - you can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

Nomad said...

Bassball bats are always the most convenient weapon, even more convenient than the gun under the pillow.

people always ask who's there at the knock on the door, even if they are expecting trouble.

Presidents are either smarmy crooks or are the most selfless and humble hero.

the hero's bullets kill quickly but the bad guy's take forever if ever.

can't think much now.

Kal said...

Even in a fancy upscale mansion. There is a chainsaw behind the couch. I never understood that either. I guess the last woodsman they had over for a fancy dress party just left it there.

Megan said...

I started laughing when I saw the teams come in fives one. Go, go Power Rangers! (and countless others, of course, but of course that one had to pop into my head first)

DrGoat said...

Always throw your gun after you are out of bullets.