Saturday, April 18, 2009

My Zombie Team

Darius over at ADVENTURES IN NERDLINESS recently posted his Zombie fighting dream team and I thought I would do the same. We all know that the Coca Cola corporation puts an addictive chemical in their pop that once activated by satellites owned and operated by the stinkin Umbrella Corporation that the world's Coke drinkers will become mindless zombies. At that point the kind and benevolent Pepsi Corporation will issue the modified jeeps to allow us Pepsi drinkers to travel the continent removing the zombie menace personally and permanently. These are the following individuals that will recieve pages on their Pepsi Global Cards to join my team. I chose fictional characters from the movies.

Milla Jovovich as Alice from RESIDENT EVIL movies. She is the original zombie fighting girl with all the skills needed for wetwork. Beautiful and deadly she was modified by Umbrella and is hightly motivated to damage to any and all facilities or individuals connected to that corporation. The desire for Umbrella to keep Alice alive for reason of their own give us another advantage. Should she ever be captured we can track her to which ever one of their many facilities they have taken her.

Danny Tejo from Machete and many other films. Sure he is shorter in person than he looks like on film he is what I like to term Wolverine-lite. Armed with his signature bladded weapon he will take great joy in the close up and personal encounter with our enemies. There is always the danger that by being in that close that he may suffer a bite and therefore be turned but I have confidence in his skills are more than adequate for the task. As a former gang member and prisoner he has a sixth sense for danger and will make an excellent forager and planner.

Ray Park from GI Joe The Movie - Since ammunition may be in short supply we will need individuals who have experience with bladed weapons of all kinds. Ray is quick and has gymnastic abilities that will allow him to stay out of reach of the slow movie zombies while using his Katana or double bladed spear (much like the double bladed lightsaber he wielded in PHANTOM MENACE) to inflict maximum damage (by beheading the zombies). As a master in martial arts he will be the team's trainer.

Russell Crowe - as Cort in THE QUICK AND THE DEAD - Any ammunition we do find will have to be rationed so we need a crack shot who can adhere to the principle of "one shot-one kill". As the outlaw turned preacher in the QUICK AND THE DEAD Cort proved to be a deadly accurate pistoleer even after not holding a gun in his hands for many years. We also have his experience with a variety of weapons in GLADIATOR. His famous temper will also be useful in motivating individuals on the team who may grow weary of the battle and give up. However he is a wild card and therefore requires special handling and must be kept out of reach of any telephone.

Velociraptor from Jurassic Park - The team's pet, watchdog and clean-up crew. Highly motivated to kill with skills honed over millions of years as a top predator. Fast, deadly and above all very intelligent, he will be our shock trooper who we send in first to clear a path for the rest of the team. I would love to have a whole pack of these since its their ability to hunt in packs that make them most valuable. Tough as nails and hard to kill, they have a natural resistence to the zombie bite and therefor can take alot of damage. And lets be honest, just watching one of these bad boys take of a zombie head in one bite would be SWEEEEET.

This is my team. Who is on YOURS??


Reis O'Brien said...

Awesome list! The velociraptor is inspired!

Can you imagine what a zombie velociraptor would be like? That would be horrifying! Oh man, I just kind of freaked myself out...

wiec? said...

cool list. Machete is a smart pick and i have to agree with Reis a zombie raptor is a pretty scary prospect.