Wednesday, November 24, 2010

It's Turkey Time

This time of year I really want to work for the BUTTERBALL turkey hotline just to hear the stupid things that people ask. Hasn't the art of making a turkey diner been pretty much perfected by this time, passed down from elder to child? It's not like they have cloned a new creature - it's a TURKEY. If any of these following questions seem like they would be good ones to ask them maybe you should start with a frozen tv diner and work your way up to a full sized bird

*Is it okay to thaw my turkey in the bathtub while bathing my kids?

*Can I brine my turkey in the washing machine?

*Can I use my oven's self-cleaning cycle to speed up the cooking process?

*If I cut my turkey with a chainsaw will the oil affect the taste?

*Can I take my frozen turkey into my sauna to thaw it faster?

I tried to find the whole classic WKRP in Cincinatti episode about the great turkey drop but this was the best they had out there. It really needs to be must-see TV at this time of year.



Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Happy Thanksgiving my Canadian friend!
And a hot tub is too hot to thaw a turkey. Fishtank works better.

M. D. Jackson said...

If you're actually considering bathing your kids in a tub full of thawing turkey then you're at too great a risk of confusing the two to even go on with this thanksgiving dinner thing.

If you're redneck enough to want to cut your turkey with a chainsaw then engine oil is probably already a subsantial part of your diet.

DrGoat said...

Happy Thanksgiving neighbor.
I'm drinking a Pepsi throwback as I speak. I bought a 12 pack and some Mexican Coca Cola. I'm kicking out the jams in your honor.
I won't even talk to any octopi for a few days. Just for you Pal.

Kal said...

You guys are all heart. See, a tear.

Kal said...

I just have this image of two hillbilly kids riding this turkey back and forth in a large plastic tub their momma got at the Walmart. For some reason, yesterday was a font of joy for my imagination.

Hart Johnson said...

The first time my hubby cooked a turkey dinner, he gave everybody food poisoning, so there's that (had to do with the stuffing and turkey juices...) hasn't done it since he met me though, so I still let him cook, as I have no interest in managing that timing fiasco.

Unknown said...

Oh the humanity! :)

Sam G said...

"I thought turkeys could fly." One of my all time fav lines from WKRP. ;)