Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Classes? Me? But I Already Know Everything

One of the downsides to all the free socialist medical treatment I get because of my recent diagnosis of diabetes is that I have to attend five hours worth of education classes about my disease. They are scheduled for tomorrow.

Well I don't HAVE to attend them but I signed up for them when I was first diagnosed and I was scared and trying to impresses Shannon, my cute personal nurse. BTW - she comes to me free on a weekly basis like all my testing supplies and my glucose monitor, free doctors visits and any additional medications I may need. (Suck on THAT oh so superior U.S. medical system.)

I would totally bale but I promised and I don't need to hear lectures from my Mother or the South Africa Witch Doctor that signs my prescriptions and of course Shannon, who thinks of me like a bad boyfriend, one that she can somehow 'FIX'. I don't have the heart to tell her that lesser woman have tried and failed...then tried and died.

I will have nightmares tonight of being talked down to and reminded every ten minutes that 'sugar is bad, mkay'. I really hope they don't have a sugar based cartoon mascot or I will beat the crap out of it when we are on our break.

You know any snacks they bring will be sugar free. No delicious Timbits donut holes for these classes.

What could possible take FIVE HOURS? After two and a half hours in the morning are they going to follow me to see what I get for lunch? Will the disapproving sugar police drag me away from 're-education' if I make too sweet a choice?

Do I get a certificate when I have completed the class? They better use nice calligraphy for my name.

Can I meet some cute girl with low self esteem and sugar cravings that I can charm into dating me? This is were my bald head and magnificent facial hair should pay serious dividends. Admit it ladies, you are powerless against it.

At least the classes are held at my old college, Red Deer College which is a really good school. I look forward to walking around on my breaks. I am sure all the punks that currently attend will recognize my status as an alumni and treat me with the respect accorded to me.

On the other hand they probably will just beat me do death with one of the heavy biology textbooks and steel my blood monitoring kit. Then I am really screwed. Oh wait, no I am not. I can just go to my local pharmacy and get all my supplies replaced for free in about ten minutes. (Sorry U.S. health care system. I couldn't resist)


Unknown said...

Kal hates sugar, Kal hates sugar,Kal hates sugar, Kal hates sugar,Kal hates sugar, Kal hates sugar, Repeat after me Kal...Kal hates sugar, Kal hates sugar,Kal hates sugar, Kal hates sugar.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Have fun at Diabetes Boot Camp!

M. D. Jackson said...

Forget the US, your Alberta Health Care is like a coddling grandmother compared to the beurocratic and hopelessly overcrowed system we have here in BC. I thought Ralph Klein had gutted the Alberta Health Care system just like Gordan Campbell did to BC's, but it seeme to be thriving.

Enjoy your seminar. Meet a cute girl. Have fun.

DrGoat said...

That kit would probably cost 120 dollars here, and your expensive insurance would only cover half of it. 5 hrs is pretty steep. You could probably learn how to play an instrument in that time.
Good luck, the time will pass quickly.

Super-Duper ToyBox said...

Ahhh- that's GREAT! Good all the way around, I say- and Yes, you very well might meet a nice girl at school :)

Belle said...

I live in Kelowna, BC and the health care his is great, but that may not be true in other cities in BC.
Five hours seems a long time. Maybe there is a test?! If you fail they take away your medicine. I hope you do meet some sweetie there, that would be cool.

Nathan said...

I had classes like that, but they were a series of three hours each. Sitting there for five hours would have been painful.

Kal said...

Did you learn anything that really helped you, Nathan? I didn't.

Nathan said...

No, not really. I already know I have to eat more vegetables. What I want to learn is how to make them actually taste good.

Kal said...

Cover them with chocolate. That is what I do.

Nathan said...

How is that going to help my blood sugar, though?

Actually, my mom had me eat vegetables with applesauce when I was a kid, and I continued that through college. People knew me as the guy who ate broccoli with applesauce. Maybe I should go back to doing that, but the only problem is that I tend not to chew it too well when eating it that way.