Wednesday, December 29, 2010

I Can't Promise This Will Be The Last Scolding You Will Get From Me This Winter

I swear if I hear one member of a nation outside of Canada bitch about the snow I am going to go off my nut. It's your own damn fault that you are in this situation.

First of all, it's SNOW - frozen water - the same that you will find in the freezer of any fridge. It's not plutonium.

I should let America know that after last winter we offered you subscriptions to a program that would have elite teams of highly trained individuals mobilize on 2 hours notice to help you co-ordinate your response to the Great White Satan.

AND there would have been free Tim Horton's coffee and maple dipped donuts for everyone.

But you had to be cheap. Didn't want any of our 'socialistic winter survival techniques' and our 'Muslim mittens'. How is that working for y'all?

And where is your great savior Sarah with all her moose hunting experience now? You think if she cared that she would be doing her daily 'Sarah's Snow' tips on the radio.

Hope you live until spring. If not, pass on your warm boots to people who can make use of them. For now just get off your crosses. Someone needs the wood for a fire.


Wandering Coyote said...

We have had 20cm in the last few days and I have just dug myself out AGAIN. Gr. I want to go to Cuba for 4 months next year. I am getting too old for this shit.

I'm stealing yet another picture from you, if you don't mind. You are posting some great ones! This one might become my new FB avatar!

Paladin said...

Just be glad you don't live in Texas, where they close the schools and people crowd the stores to stock up when it just sleets a little. Makes me crazy and I've seen it all my life.

Can I have my donuts and coffee delivered by Sarah wearing one of those sexy snow bunny suits? said...

D,di, did you say maple dripped donuts? Who shot that offer down? Damn them! xo

Kal said...

oooooo Coyote I have to see which one you picked. You have a lifetime pass to steal away. It feels good to know the effort is appreciated.

Paladin - I have a hilarious image of some poor bastard holding a can of corn in the cold.

Please answer me this though - what is it exactly with conservatives and their Sarah Palin fantasies??? She strikes you all the same way. You all have this vampire-like urge to screw her while she wears various outfits - not costumes - OUTFITS. I get the idea, I really do, but I have never seen you guys react to a 'type' so badly. I thought it was girls with long blond hair who read fake news on FOX and it ended there but I guess I was wrong. I am not judging just observing. My Selena obsession can't stand up to scrutiny either.

YOUR GOVERNMENT shot that idea down Robyn. And those are GOOOOD donuts. I swear you would go back to sex just to drop sex again for these frickin' things.

Ravyn said...

I literally laughed out loud at this one - and I'm at work!! Thanks for that! :)

Paladin said...

I think its the whole Librarian/School Teacher thing with Sarah. At least that what it tends to be for me :) I personally can't differentiate between most of the blonde bobbleheads on the news no matter what network it is. Its like they pop them out of molds on an assembly line right before the news starts. Blah...

The lust factor in regards to Sarah is seperate and unrelated to the appeal of political/personal values, however. I can multi-task.

Budd said...

Cal, is that a summer picture?

Kal said...

That is t-shirt weather. I lived in a place (Iqaluit) in the far north where one day it was -10 celcius and I was perfectly find in a light sweatshirt. That is how much living 7 months at -40 will do to you.

Sarah said...

I feel you! I know technically I live in the US, but Minnesota is practically Canada anyways, right?

Well we get that dip of the arctic shield coming down in January/February to keep us indoors and working on our mittens, anyhow.

But I'm loving this snow--it makes everything so pretty, and if you have any common sense, it's not that much of a bother.