Sunday, January 24, 2010

I Hate Everything

I got angry today when I was watching 'Legion'. Not because of the ennui or the religious balloon juice about God and hope ect but for the really crappy way they made this picture.

I blame the writer, the editor and director most of all. They had a premise you don't see everyday. Fallen angel vs evil angels with the fate of mankind in the balance. You got your explosions and gunfire and evil old people and creepy demon children climbing the walls - basically everything you could want for a hour and a half worth of entertainment. You even get to throw in some B.S. religious philosophy to really bring in the 'god and gun' crowd but they take such an predictable path with the script. You know who is going to live, who is going to die and how everything will turn out in the end. However, that is not the worst sin.

The worst sin is that you have your big ending scene - the payoff when good angel Michael dukes it out with bad angel Gabriel. Now Gabriel is an impressive sight when he walks through the door. Like a gladiator with huge black wings. He spins around to deflect all bullets fired at him with those bulletproof beauties. He wields a wicked knife/mace thingie. He is basically an atheist's worst nightmare.

Instead of taking a cue from another great fight scene like say, 'The Matrix' they choose to go with the quick cuts and the darkened diner and the furious action that give you no point of reference until everything slows down for the final stabbing. UGH! How do you expect me to care about the movie when those who make it don't even care to TRY. You went to film school. This is your dream. Fuckin' do better. Don't try to sell me 'paint by numbers' as a Dutch Master. It all comes down to editing in the end. Nothing they did with that dojo fight scene from 'The Matrix' was new or revolutionary. They just STUDIED their craft and put that knowledge to use to create something exciting and memorable. It all came together in the editing room because the filmakers actually CARED.

I found a short clip of the battle in 'Legion' to strengthen my argument. Watch both and tell me what you notice. Watch how we see everything in 'The Matrix'- every punch and kick and movement. Watch how we can follow the action. It is exhilarating no matter how many times you see it. After this was done there is no excuse EVER for giving me LESS than this.

This is why 9/10 movies fail. This is why the wheels of civilization are coming off the bus. Sure, I am making a silly analogy but it's true. No one cares. No one does the right thing anymore, just the expedient thing. Choose anything that is going on in the world from Haiti, to the US Supreme Court, to Jersey Shore and it is no different. Sometimes it's enough to make me want to give up.

Even though I am on a diet I am going to eat a whole pack of Timbits right now and hate myself along with the rest of the world. UGH!!!


MC said...

See, I was super excited about this movie... and then I realized what time of year it was (the dumping season for crap).

Sorry you had to experience it, though rest assured, I've learned from your travails.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

No No..go see it. You will love it. What do I know?

TS Hendrik said...

should have listened to the shrunken heads.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

I did. But they distracted me with all that pudding talk. So I confused angels with pudding and it was too late when I realized that this wasn't a movie about pudding at all.

TS Hendrik said...

Rookie mistake. Never confuse the discussion of snacks with movies.

Wings1295 said...

Will wait til DVD... or cable.

meheart said...

Is there a law against daylight in movies these days? I thought night time was for sex and selling state secrets.