Monday, September 28, 2009

Airing of the Grievances - 6

J.K. Rowlings got refused the Presidential Medal of Freedom by George W. Bush because getting children to want to read is promoting 'witchcraft'. However, it was perfectly fine for his policies to create and promote Muslim fundamentalism. Post 9/11 policies created more terrorist wannabees than anything and allowed the Taliban to recruit martyrs for the cause like never before. Good thing though that we got that pesky Harry Potter under control. That could have really come back to bite everyone in the ass.

Hugo Chavez bans 'Family Guy' from Venezuelan TV. Just when I think this nutcase maybe got it going on he gets an endorsement from syphilitic Courtney Love. If he knew what was good for him he would stay as far away from her as possible. I have never been fearful for the safety of any world leader more than when I heard that she called him a sexy 'dawg' and accepted his invitation to visit him in Caracas. If I didn't know better I would blame the CIA for instigating the WORST ASSASSINATION PLOT EVER since those plans to make Castro's beard fall out by poisoning his cigars.


KURT COBAIN's widow COURTNEY LOVE has set her sights on a controversial new beau - Venezuelan president HUGO CHAVEZ.The pair met at a New York screening of Oliver Stone's new documentary South of the Border last week (23Sep09) after Love caught the leader checking her out from across the room. She admits she's smitten, and believes a romance could be a possibility. She tells the New York Daily News, "It was the third wink that sold me. He's a sexy dawg. He invited me to visit his country and I'd like to go. I'll rock Caracas."

Oh sweet Jeebus! I so hope it can all work out for these two sweet kids because, like I always say, if these two can't make it work then what chance do any of us have?

AAARGHH!! Fruit cup got me again! THAT'S IT! I hereby DIVORCE the fruit cup. I am gonna buy all my peaches and fruit cocktail (in syrup) in huge Costco barrels from now on and use Tupperware to transport it from place to place. GRRRRRRRR! So there I am, covered in fruit cup juice and I think, "Well, it's OPEN now, might as well eat it.". As I am chewing fruit I bite the inside of my cheek. Freakin fruit cups are the devil. I renounce your evil! I was eyeing a juice BOX earlier but that straw frightened the hell out of me. I got spill issues with that 'technology' also.

I am glad that I don't have a fear of spiders. After seeing the vid of the one crawling on the Pope in Prague and the one that just dropped on me from the roof of the Cave Command Center I am reminded by the scientist I once saw who claimed that we are never more than 6 feet from a spider at anytime in our lives anywhere in the world. If that was true for mice I wouldn't sleep at night. Why are the creatures with the biggest brains or the biggest bodies afraid of the smallest of things? That elephant myth is true. Mythbusters showed that a mouse can scare an elephant. Elephants are smart so I don't feel so bad hating the little squeekers myself.

I hate to bring this up again and I don't promise to STOP bringing it up but how can I be getting almost 550 hits a day, 92 followers (the people with THE most taste and style on the interwebs) and be getting so few comments? Yes, Big Daddy pathetically needs your love. Yes I know there is an inverse relationship between quality and comments but I really would love to meet some people who show up here daily. Unless its ONE kid who like me lives in a cave and has his groceries delivered because its a jungle out THERE. Of course that would assume that said kid has 550 different identities or visits 550 times a day which is weird. Or not. Anyone obsessed with me that much is someone I need to meet. Do you see my dilemma? Don't make bunny cry.


Mykal Banta said...

Calvin: Man, I say send Ms. Love over there post haste, absolutely. What a battle royal: Chavez Vs. Love. Remember, this is the boob-enhanced cyclone that sent Russel Crowe screaming into the night like a little bitch.

Dude, give up the fruit cup! It never was worthy of you attention. Why this bizzare committment? -- Mykal

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

Actually it was Courtney Love that got me first hooked on the fruit cup. I need to go into fruit cup rehab I think.

Wings1295 said...

Cal, don't worry about the comments, just be man. Post and be and relax. Those who read and enjoy are here. No worries.

And I don't know what to say about Courtney Love and Chavez. Bah!

Wandering Coyote said...

"If I didn't know better I would blame the CIA for instigating the WORST ASSASSINATION PLOT EVER" - shit, this is hilarious! I mean, HILARIOUS!!!