Tuesday, December 29, 2009

OMG

I just shaved my beard with the beard trimmer I got for Christmas. It has all those seductive attachments and at first I thought I would just even it out. Keep the wonderful bushiness. Just like trimming a hedge to look like a swan I told myself. But even at the largest setting I had to give in and just trim everything down to one length. It feels SO weird I am freaking out a bit. I put serious 'being a hobo time' into growing this thing and in one moment - WOOOSH. There goes my endorsement deal as poster boy for 'Hobo Chili' and 'Hobo Chuckwagon Dinner'. (when dad cooked he would tell us - "I am making chuckwagon dinner. I don't know what's in it...but it's hot, it's brown and there is plenty of it.") They were gonna give me a bindle and everything. Damn! I just have to go and make a mess of things. Actually I made less of a mess of things but that isn't the point. Tomorrow I am gonna have to do the complete shave and groom with the foam and everything so that I can move about normal society without taunts and whispers following me everywhere I go. "I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!"


Ah Hell, Dick Van Patten. What happened to you buddy? Were times really that tough at the end that you had to be the face of dog food? That is the saddest things I have ever seen. Suddenly I don't feel so bad about myself.

7 comments:

vancouver mark said...

Shouldn't have said a word there, Cal...

Now all the squiddy cephalapods will busily update their facial recognition profiles of you, and with eight arms they will do it all very quickly.
You might have been able to buy yourself a few extra minutes of escape time there, but...

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

Hey, I stayed one step ahead of Interpol for years so I got no worries. I am like 'Hugo, Man of a Thousand Faces' And frankly - we pastey faced white boys all look the same to those boneless and souless bastards. But thank you for your concern.

Wings1295 said...

I had a beard going earlier this month, then chucked it and all its itchiness and shaved it off. Ah well.

And hey, is that a real product???

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

Sweet Lord I hope not. For poor DVP I hope not.

Nathan said...

Hey, Ed McMahon also advertised dog food.

As for Dick Van Patten...well, he was in two Weird Al videos. That counts for something, right?

Anonymous said...

Actually his line of cat food saved two of my cat's lives. I am therefore a big fan.
Down side: more expensive than grocery store cat food.
Up side: cats will eat it, they are healthy again, they act like their kitten selves, and they have incredible coats now.
I think they are healthier now than they have ever been and still alive after a, “might not make it”, a year and a half ago.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

Okay....you gave me a good reason to support celebrity endored pet food.